"July" Synth #3

 "July" 

Although this is the shortest song I've created, it's taken me a while to complete. Lots of layering and stuff. Shout out to Billy Corgan, C418, and the events that transpire in July. Here's the song, "July"!

Grace - Jeff Buckley (Album Review)

 "Grace" Album review

This album is listened to/reviewed in chronological order
Headphones used: Sennheiser HD 280 Pros
Streamed via Spotify (I need the vinyl, I know)

Mojo Pin - This song is definitely an experience. Buckley is an artist who does not typically articulate all of his lyrics clearly, so I recommend reading them along whilst listening. So poetically tragic, beautiful descriptions of longing for someone using physical and metaphorical lyricism – his use of resembling a person by their hair colour is so enchanting in this piece. I definitely understand why all the girls/boys with black hair default to this song being their favourite by Jeff Buckley. Some of my lyrical standouts appear in the verses, such as; 

“I'm lying in my bed, the blanket is warm, this body will never be safe from harm, still feel your hair, black ribbons of coal, touch my skin to keep me whole”

“Don't want to weep for you, don't want to know, I'm blind and tortured, the white horses flow, the memories fire, the rhythms fall slow, black beauty, I love you so”

Grace - I'm not as crazy about this song compared to the others on the record. Still, absolutely beautiful lyrics, you can hear his articulation far better in this one. Additionally, he really shows off his vocal range by the last chorus. I think Buckley uses this song as a self-portrait in a way, with lyrics such as: "There's the moon asking to stay, long enough for the clouds to fly me away. Oh, my time is coming, I’m not afraid (afraid to die). My fading voice sings of love”. That being said, I can't help but feel like there was something too overwhelming, musically: maybe the layering of vocals at the end went on for a little too long or something.

Last Goodbye - Absolutely one of my highlights among this album. In my opinion, Jeff's unmatched abilities of writing poignant and bittersweet poetry becomes so extremely apparent in Last Goodbye. The introduction is somewhat misleading: the song is established with cheerful chords paired with an upbeat strumming (?? sorry IDK that much about guitar yet LOL), with sharply contrasting lyrics. My main lyrical standouts include:

“Kiss me out of desire, baby, not consolation. Oh, you know it makes me so angry 'cause I know that in time, I'll only make you cry, this is our last goodbye.” (so beautifully heartbreaking!!!)

The tone of the guitar grows moodier further into the song, but juxtaposing lyricism and melodic harmonies give off a strong The Smiths vibe… and I think its rad as fuck! 

Lilac Wine - Boys, I do not play about this song. I love Lilac Wine by Jeff Buckley. From the first strum of the guitar this song completely wells you into a world of heartbreak. “I lost myself on a cool, damp night”— I'm sure you did, bro. So effortlessly poetic and, dare I say, graceful, Buckley's voice swims through this song, making the listener absolutely swoon for lost love or someone you long for. The brassy ride sybil, paired with gentle strumming on an electric guitar flows in and out of each other, holding the listener in a chokehold. I would say the lyrics of Lilac Wine are my favourite of any of his songs, with my standouts including: 

“When I think more than I wanna think, Do things I never should do, I drink much more that I ought to drink, Because it brings me back you”

“Listen to me, I cannot see clearly, isn't that she coming to me? Nearly here, Lilac wine, Is sweet and heady, where's my love?”

“Listen to me, why is everything so hazy? Isn't that she, or am I just going crazy, dear?”

“Lilac wine, I feel unready for my love, feel unready, for my love”

So Real - With lyrics that stay simple compared to the other songs on Grace, this song is predominantly music-based for me. I think the lyrics really emphasise what this song is about – a past love that was profoundly intense and painful to remember – with the drums playing such a significant part in the song! I’m a fucking drum Slut so I really liked this one :) I listened to it a few times over because I was slightly preoccupied, but this is definitely going on my playlist. My stand-out lyrics from So Real are probably the repetition of; “I love you, but I'm afraid to love you, I'm afraid, Oh, that was so real, Oh, that was so real, (...)”, I think it was immensely powerful amongst the instruments playing, it gives this song a shiny gold star. (Also, the way he says "I love you/I'm afraid to love you" is so fucking hot and breathy I swear to god)

Hallelujah - As one of the most popular songs off of this album, I was super excited to take a listen! I was not disappointed; I actually went into this album not knowing that there were any covers. Jeff relies on his own voice and the gentle playing of his electric guitar, which did not disappoint. The original song is written and sung by Leonard Cohen, which surprised the fuck out of me, because I only listen to his song titled “I’m Your Man”, which is a song about a sadomasochistic relationship featured in the film Secretary. But that is beside the point LOL. This was beautifully executed. Jeff’s voice is a work of art on its own.

Lover, You Should’ve Come Over - Oh god. Literally what do I even say. This song is established with synth, then, subsequently, the iconic strumming of guitar bursts in. So moody and emotive… yet there’s a cheery element to it. It kind of feels like an artist happily indulging in his despair, desire and longing for someone, a person who remains irreplaceable. Buckley’s voice harmonizes and complements the instrumental aspect of this song so extremely well, with his soft and sweet tone almost leading the guitar where to go. This song resembles a two-act story to me, the first act being more gentle compared to the second. The abrupt, emotional nature and intensity of the “It’s never over” segment to the song is so beautifully overwhelming, with simple, yet impeccably delivered lines ending every four bars. And these Fucking lyrics I swear to god. Jeff Buckley is my favourite poet of all time. Here are a few of my stand outs from this song:

“Broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed it. Where are you tonight, child, ya know how much I need it.”

“Lonely is the room, the bed is made, the open window lets the rain in. Burning in the corner is the only one who dreams he had you with him.”

“It's never over, my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder, It's never over, All my riches for her smiles when I've slept so soft against her”

Corpus Christi Carol - This song was good. Buckley sings higher than I thought he could, showing off his different forms of vocal expression… very opera like! Extremely beautiful. I don’t really have many notes, I think it’s a lovely interlude. He could possibly have swapped this with Lover, You Should’ve Come Over order-wise, but other than that, I really did enjoy this one for what it is. 

Eternal Life - FUCK YEAH! I really liked the energy of this song. A lot more ‘rock n’ roll’ compared to the others off this album, the whole five minutes is sectioned into a respectable verse #1, chorus, verse #2, interlude, bridge then verse #3, which is the set-out of your everyday classic rock hit… I can't say I’m complaining! Every good record has one inspired by that layout. I really enjoyed the lyrics too; it has religious tones to it, with references to Jesus and his preaching of peace and love — describing it as “a prison for the walking dead”. In my interpritation, this song is about modern christianity and how twisted it has gotten, which to be honest, is a really interesting change to the other songs on this record being only love poems. A few of my standout lyrics from this song are:

“Did you really think this bloody road would pave the way for you? You better kiss hello to eternal life.” (DIVA!) 

Dream Brother - This song was beautifully produced; When you listen to it, you get fully grasped in the surround sound. I genuinely think Dream Brother is a standout for me on this album, with an ambience of lost hope and betrayal hidden inside the lyrics. Pairing this with the extraordinary usage of the vibraphone alongside Jeff’s iconic acoustic and electric guitar, it not only brings the song to life, but it builds a whole world of poetic tragedy around the listener. Some of my standout lyrics include: 

“Her green eyes blew goodbyes, with her head in her hands, and your kiss on the lips of another”

“I feel afraid and I call your name, I love your voice and your dance insane — I hear your words, and I know your pain”

Forget Her - Forget Her is a song already quite familiar to me; it illustrates a narrative of getting over someone you love and can’t forget after they were unfaithful/ after cheating on your relationship. As the conclusion of the album, this powerful, emotional ballad is driven to a point of devastating climax, leaving the listener absolutely shattered, yet heart-racing. The song is introduced with a beautiful press roll on the snare, followed by a rock beat with a double kick (fuckkk.), and a melancholic chord progression on the electric guitar. The lyrics are pure poetry; Buckley recites an inner monologue of sorts, trying to convince himself/the listener to not romanticize somebody who hurts you so deeply. The lyrics are absolutely beautiful and illustrative, with some of my favourites being:

 “All full of wine, the world before her, was sober with no place to go”

“Well my tears are falling down as I try to forget her love was a joke from the day that we met, all of the words, all of her men, all of the pain when I think back to when”.

As a conclusion to the record, Forget Her is timed perfectly at the end, giving the listener one last thing to cry about. 

Thank you so much for reading :) I have loved listening to this album and giving my opinions. I am not a music critic by any means, just a boy who loves poetry and Jeff Buckley. 

Portrait

 Portrait

What a beautiful drawing! it’s of me. Not done by me though. Just wanted to share :)

Spit

“Spit”

Pull it a little bit tighter,

Hold on a little bit harder,

Stretch it out, wrap me up —

Please don’t listen,

Not to a single word.

Ignore me, sweetheart,

Love me, baby,

Spit and strike down all that sweet hatred.

Left-hand Side

 "Left-hand Side"

How do you sleep at night

Do you rest alone and cold

Or does he take up my space

In your bed, in your mind?

A path of blood and bones

You carelessly walk

Holding another's hand

Trying not to damage

Either of your shoes

Warm lights now shine

Colours of slate and granite

Hitting my eyes like a brick 

Once I see you together

No regard for forethought

It doesn't matter anymore

You love feeling the blood

Of absent apologies 

Underneath your feet

I'll write music

And keep my own peace

Hiding underneath headphones

Hiding in my art;

Erotic walls of pride

I'm a good boy

When angels sing for you

Hot breath fills the air

Conflicted tears pour 

Over our memories.

Untitled Synth #2

 Hello Ikilledjasper.blog. I took down my last post because I re-listened to my song and verbally started laughing it was kinda bad. That's okay! It can be a disappointing demo. I've tweaked it a bit, so hopefully this one sounds better.... I think it does!! :-)

 I've decided to keep this one untitled. If I could write what inspired this song, it would probably be Stardew Valley or something like that. So, here is the updated song :) !!

Woe, Sweet Baby

"Woe, Sweet Baby"

I know where you go at nighttime

A dark place that you call home

Sorrow and pain swallow you 

When you are lonely

Anything to not feel guilty 

Anything to not feel sorry 

Anything to not feel alone 

Cause you’ve been hurting all week 

And all you want is everything 

All you want is him.

A message in a bottle

 Update

Currently working on photography projects/ new music to put up on here :) I’m planning on posting a new song by the end of the week, and possibly some photography before then! Thank you for reading!! 

"Angel" (Synth) #1

 J's first Introduction to Scoring a Film...

I've been experimenting with making my own music over the past few months, my first song being written almost a year ago on the guitar, but that has yet to make it out of my notebook and into the world for anybody to hear. I've made(?) a song with a synth; it is titled "Angel". This song was created be a part of my score for a short film I am writing. It is meant to be melancholic, which follows the theme of the said movie. I take a great deal of inspiration from The Smashing Pumpkins, especially their demos and instrumentals. I am sure that whoever takes a listen will see that inspiration clearly. here is the song, bro!

Passage from the bat outside your window

 Update 

I’m still pursuing my interest in photography, I’m only experimenting since I’m not sure what I particularly want to photograph. I have finished a few more paintings, now on canvas, but they are too intimate to post since they are like naked people. I’ve been working on a film for about a month now, working on the score and the script etc, which i’m planning to start filming as soon as possible; so making music via synth is taking up a good amount of my artistic time(?). If I am able to, I will upload the sound files of the score onto my blog to whomever has been stumbling across it, but until then I will continue to post my photographs, paintings and poetry :) Thank you for reading! 

(Exploring Photography)

 'Teenage Boy' 

The needle is dancing directly in the middle of the record. Headphones, tangled, plugged into the output jack -- discarded clothes and vinyl lie on the dirty carpet of his bedroom. Blaring music radiates from his stereo, each note tuning and tweaking his psyche. 

Reminiscent of a crazed feline, his dark locks stick up, greasy and shiny, underneath his headphones. Always conflicted, always heartbroken, forever without a reason why. 

Skinny with no desire for food, horny with no desire for sex, forever hungry for whatever he doesn't want. A selfish boyfriend, a distant mother, a camera without a lens: he runs the race because he'll never know any better. 

This poem is, believe it or not, based on my experience being a teenage boy. It's a little rough around the edges, but hey! Encapsulates the essence of the subject more. I have also never done photography inspired by one of my poems before, so this is an exciting new prospect for me :) This all came about after I had all my records in front of me whilst I was listening to some music, sitting on the floor, and I thought "fuck, my setup is rad!" so I wrote the poem, then took some photos. I also experimented with Photoshop to get the nice temperature-tones in the images, and getting-to-know a new program is always useful! 

Stale Bread and Corn Soup

 "Stale Bread and Corn Soup"

September's cold anger vibrates through the roof, hitting the cobble like furious tears of melancholy. The depression of winter has come and gone; the clear absence of your warmth cripples my soul with iced sorrow.

 Whilst I gaze out the window, my eye-line is matched with tetchy, sullen rain - I clutch onto my bowl of warm soup, hoping that it can replace the absence of his tenderness. 

Both this poem and the painting below are heavily inspired by heartbreak and the loneliness that comes with being cold and desolate. A significant inspiration for both of these pieces is the song "Short and Sweet" by Brittany Howard. The lyrics to her song are so relevant to me; I got quite emotional listening to her sing whilst painting. Each line just hits you right in the heart. If you have any time to listen to it, I highly recommend doing so :)

The painting below resembles rain falling from a cloudy night sky. Possibly, one of my most textured paintings since I didn't use a paintbrush, just palette knives. 

0610

 

“0610”

Hot days drown out the sound of distant distractions. Summer kissed skin and my lips on yours remains a memory, a faint noise in the back of my mind. Each beat, each thump from my heart reminds me; "you are alive, so tell him."

Untitled

 Untitled

An untitled painting I did of a sunset.

 

Theodore

 "Theodore"

Lie down for me, sweetheart, I won't hurt you;

undress for me, but please don't bleed. 

A sun-kissed azure, a warm, deep blue, 

mantles the cold tiles whilst I plead.

Don't let the chains hold him too tight. 

I don't want to be together;

The cold metal feels like your spite, 

Are you bitter under that leather? 

I really love this poem. I had to get rid of the last two verses before posting it, but I still believe this part of it really encapsulates the idea I was intending when I wrote it. The painting is not called Theodore, but it is based on the poem. 

Self Portrait

"Dennis, Jasper"

This is probably my favourite painting that I have done so far. Difficult to describe, but seeing my natural features becoming more apparent has made me feel so much more authentic; alas, the reason I painted this. The different levels of umber make this painting encompass so much depth... makes it feel so brooding. It reminds me of Secretary, which is a film I heavily resonate with.  

 

Couple With You

 "Couple With You"

I crave the warmth that hides beneath your skin - the captivating comfort that is concealed inmost your fingertips.

One night, I am going to steal you away; secrete you inside my love, embracing the warmth that is hidden within - coupling with you fondly.

It's too complicated and personal to dissect. To each his own, with this poem. The painting is about sex.

Subject

 "Subject"

His vision is captured through a lens,

He doesn't know any better. 

His speech tumbles without a care,

He never knew any better.

He was crazy for the sweet collision of heat --

How could he have done better? 

The green iris swallows him whole;

You really could have done better. 

The painting below depicts a date and experience that was extremely important to me. I painted this only recently, while watching the film Call Me by Your Name — with evident elements of that movie playing out on the page. The different levels of green represent the colours inside the iris, surrounding the pupil. 

Current

 "Current"

An uncluttered movement cascading through my mind

Violently tame, concealed and oblique, an everlasting latency

You surge and you sweep, seeping out of me til I'm blind.

This poem represents a person who is comparable to the swift motion of water. In the painting, the motion of the paintbrush/paint is in a circular pattern, which helped convey the frivolous ardor(?) of the poem.  

My Blog

Welcome !

I write poetry and typically create paintings that pair with the themes of my poems. My art is created in inspiration of my own experiences, as to produce work that is authentic and meaningful to me :)